I wouldn't be playful about stuff like this or try to pretzel myself into accepting it because ? Her answer was "Well I suppose i would also feel pretty angry & dejected" Getting the other person to be in your shoes, is a very powerful tool. j. jhart97. At 12:10am on New Years Day 2011 it was decided our marriage was over. She's had an abusive and traumatic past that I'm not going to get in to. Press J to jump to the feed. … This is an abusive relationship where your wife is manipulating you using her anxiety as a tool to break you. Sexual anxiety ruining my marriage. Her medications obviously aren't doing enough, she's not going to therapy, she won't do anything that is self care because it's selfish. It took me about four years to finally allow my husband a glimpse at my anxiety. Oh lady, I'm right there with you in some ways. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! ... She will grow up needing her own therapy right off the bat. ... Once it happens, there is a lot more 'performance anxiety' which is a vicious circle of stress and anxiety..so there is usually a psychological element. She has an extremely sensitive response to being wrong. A marriage needs effort, consideration, compromise, & ongoing love from both parties. Last year her relationship anxiety caused us to break up and the same thing happened this year. Some forums can only be seen by registered members. But I don’t know how her anxiety is going to slowly decrease since she only has me and her 1 friend now since now I suppose I’m her … Instead, love her with all of your heart and point the finger at yourself. You're doing all you can for her, but what are you doing for you? She doesn’t like when I say “calm down” during an argument and I think that’s “dumb” because I wouldn’t care if she said it to me but I know it makes her feel bad so I use different words. Ex-Wife introducing Boyfriend that ruined our marriage to my kids. 2,062 2.1K. This is beyond messed up. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! In fact, the study authors noted, the women tended to feel their husbands played some part in their anxiety by either making it worse or making it better. We've been together 4 years, married 3. You married her and have had knowledge of these issues before you did (I assume). We've been through A LOT together, but I think I'm losing him. She literally can't trust anyone. It kept me off planes and at home, and I disappointed myself, but I got through it alone, unwatched. My newly wife has anxiety and always had this problem for years. Listen -- your husband knows that you had a serious illness and he *often* makes "jokes" that he knows hurt you and threaten your well-being. “About six years into my marriage, I found out my husband was cheating on me when I walked in on him with one of our neighbors. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. She was on antidepressants when we met 7+ years ago but has been off them for sometime , doesn’t like how they make her feel. I hope that her anxiety slowly goes away because I honestly I can’t live without her. Anxiety is the opposite of acceptance … A healthy form of worry will tell you “something isn’t right”; it … Things have not been going well in our relationship for years and although I have tried to keep it alive one person cannot do it by themselves. She was diagnosed with thyroid cancer about a year ago and has since had a surgery and various treatments for it. I was suffering from almost every anxiety disorder in the book. In a relationship, there is someone always around as a witness, and she often notices my anxiety spiking before I do. Even though she did have an affair (and it might still be going on), she seems to be changing. Being the support group for a mentally unwell person takes a big ass toll and you shouldn't be expected to just naturally know how to manage that. Q I'M 33 and have been married for five years. We had been married for a … My wife and I have had a happy marriage in the main, but lately I've come to the conclusion that I may be emotionally lonely. Dear Husbands, If your wife struggles with anxiety, I know you feel helpless at times. I call these the “triple threat,” any one of which will spur husbands and wives to handle the issue by trying to fix their spouse’s behavior. Not only is it hard to understand what depression is like if you haven't experienced it, but communication can also be difficult for someone who is depressed. To make my story short. The month of October, fall in general is the worst time of year for her due to her past. We have been married for 11 years and have 3 children. For the last 6 years we have struggled with sex , and Ed. My (35M) wife (36F) has severe anxiety and depression. Apologies if this is rambling, I'm on mobile and trying to sort out my life. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Woman says husband is addicted to video games and it’s ruining their marriage. Or have they become more severe in the last few weeks/months/years? You matter as well! I had health anxiety, generalized anxiety disorder, and some obsessive-compulsive tendencies that my psychologist said were indicative of an OCD diagnosis. Living with a depressed spouse or being married to someone with depression can bring about many challenges. For example, maybe your girlfriend doesn’t call you after work a few nights in a row like she usually does. I have been married to my husband (27M) for almost 4 years, and we've been together for almost 10. I took her white water rafting, she took me to the symphony, we went ziplining, we went to an art opening etc. Sorry to hear you're going through this, it's a shit position to be in. She can't sit still and she has to be overburdened with responsibility in order to feel like she's contributing enough to be alive. You may even want to consider medication to quell your anxiety... so that you can show up in a relationship with someone who is KIND to you. Ed is ruining my marriage. The issue is that her fears of what could happen are beginning to happen simply because she can't move on from them. She's in a constant state of survival mode, trying to over regulate and control every aspect of her life, which also means mine. Ed is ruining my marriage. In fact, she is most likely all-to-aware of her anxiety and depression…and that causes her to spiral into more anxiety and depression. They will likely recur in any future relationship that stirs guilt, shame, and anxiety—that is, any close relationship. Feeling like she's at fault causes anger and a rationale that doesn't make sense in order for her to be right. If so, what changed? Cute jokes are about someone picking out a bad shirt or snoring at night or being spacey and putting dish soap in the fridge. She's definitely in the resentment phase as she's told me numerous times that she resents me for various things. She wants out of the marriage even though I want to save it. Your partner may be unwilling to ask for help, which can be doubly frustrating when you want them to get better. Her day can literally be ruined by something not being on the shared calendar, or me being 10 minutes late getting home from work. My (35M) wife (36F) has severe anxiety and depression. start from there. Her dad and I started to get along but her my mom took some convincing. Anxiety is ruining my marriage, help! It only worsened. But, she is not crazy. What your husband is doing is no better than that. Don't point the finger at your wife, or her mental health. Making an enemy out of it will only breed resentment. If Your Husband Is Always Angry, It's Only A Matter Of Time Before It Starts Ripping At The Seams Of Your Relationship. Relationship anxiety can show up in different ways. My wife is all I have really ever known, and I do still love her. Sorry, this post was deleted by the person who originally posted it. As an anxious and/or depressed person, your wife can have a hard time emotionally and mentally coping with life for a season or many seasons. What can be done about those changes? Don't make your life about this disorder, you deserve peace, go find some. They are not about eating disorders. We both work a lot and it's shift work so we don't have a lot of time together. Were they always this bad? Why did you marry her then? Sex has always been great. He can be “playful” with other words and in other ways but if you communicated to him that you don’t feel good when he calls you those names, he should absolutely respect your feelings. He knowingly calls you names that set off your worst trauma and threaten your health and then refuses to apologize and blames you for being upset about it. I don't find anything funny in being called names by a partner that exacerbate former issues? Ever. Your mental health is your own responsibility, not his, but his BEHAVIOR and treatment of you is his responsibility and he is refusing to act like it. Anyone who has anxiety has gotten stuck in thought loops: Those unwanted, repetitive thoughts you can’t seem to escape even if you know they’re silly.That kind of thinking is particularly damaging in relationships. Recently I was going at it hard and fast, to the point that I got exhausted and felt like I … She has no friends, refusing to make any because of bad experiences. If I weren't so careful about using the word I'd say it's abusive. They really did. What more could you do to make sure you're rested and relaxed so that you can get through the day without her emotions taking yours on a ride? She can't relax. I disagreed, and as the conversation kept going, I got upset. Which basically means that everyone around her is at fault. His sweet personality mixed with his gorgeous blue eyes were enough to make me smile for hours on end. Doing things for myself is difficult because it makes her feel like I'm avoiding her. I recommend you seek a therapist on your own to talk to about this. Listen to this OP, this is not a relationship that also has to deal with a partner who has anxiety. She can't help but feel how she feels, can you do anything to improve how you feel? She has self confidence/self image anxiety and deals with depression. and sort through why you are willing to subject yourself to this treatment from your husband. I had agoraphobia (fear of leaving my home). Husbands anxiety is ruining our marriage (wife, men, spouse, daughter) User Name: Remember Me: Password : Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! If one party doesn't add to that "arrangement", then effectively, they are not being faithful to the other party. I (30m) have been with my wife (27f) for 7 years. She takes buspar and has had therapy in the past, both single and married. Sexual anxiety killing my marriage. But don’t forget youself here, also work toward what you need, what wil be good for you. Need help with your relationship? What your wife is going through seems to hellish, your best options in dealing with her are compassion for her situation, empathy with her difficulties, but also honesty about how it's affecting the home. It does not matter if her anxiety is crippling, she cannot get you to life her life for her. When the panic button is flipped, reason goes right out the window.… When I was single, my anxiety only ruined my life. My Anxiety is the worse it has ever been, and I thought I'd open up to you about it in hopes that this will help you too! Not that long ago, anxiety was ruining my life also. I'm literally going mad because there's 3 people in this marriage, and her anxiety is the loudest and most oppressive one. And tell him that you intend to be married to someone who takes your feelings seriously and that he needs to decide if that will be him. Just be a bit selfish. The effects of anxiety can ruin romantic relationships, marriages, friendships, and careers. By Julie, 5 years ago on Being Married. With all of the stress that is going on in the world and in the news coupled with managing work, the family, and all of your day to day responsibilities it’s no wonder that so many of you feel anxious! My wife has OCD. Hey Gang, My ex-wife of over a year (year and a half if you include separation) has introduced her boyfriend to my 9 year old daughter a few times this past week. She takes buspar and has had therapy in the past, both single and married. I knew that she had issues before we got married, but she's gotten much worse. Press J to jump to the feed. Here Are The Signs His Anger Issues Are Ruining Your Marriage … Most people feel a little insecure about their relationship at some point, especially in the early stages of dating and forming a commitment. This left my husband increasingly frustrated with my … Marriage Is A Terrifying Prospect For Many Men And Women. So I know that it has been part of the increase in severity, as well as her stopping any self care during this time. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. I had panic attacks. It’s very difficult to understand. How do I tell her that she needs to get better treatment? I can't handle it anymore. The pain I associated with sex, coupled with my plummeting libido, caused the romance in my marriage to fall by the wayside. It ended our marriage & other reasons that were involved in her past marriage, that … She's had some medical issues that caused her to gain weight, but her choices about it don't help. You are not ruining your marriage, your husband is. I know you're going to read this and think "oh but he really is just joking, if only I could just laugh it off" and I hope you can try to push yourself to imagine what you would say if someone's partner were "joking" about their partner's dead mom while their partner was grieving, or making violent jokes after someone had been assaulted. She's extremely judgemental, especially when it comes to placing blame for what has made her anxious. Your husband doesn't care enough about your feelings to stop "joking" in this way; that's not what good partners do. I eventually graduated from college, married my husband, and had two children, but because I’d never learned how to really deal with the anxiety, it didn’t go away. I don’t feel like you have to be more “playful” there is a great hurt still in your life that you are getting over and he is throwing salt into the wounds. Does your marriage suffer from one of the three A’s: alienation, anger or anxiety? She's never happy, and when she is, it's so fleeting that I know it's just the calm before the storm. … I would go ahead and call his behavior abusive. Cookies help us deliver our Services. The issue is that her fears of what could happen are beginning to happen simply because she can't move on … At some point, she's worried about everything that could go wrong to separate us, from food choices to political differences. Chances are, she’s been struggling for some time before she let you in on her secret. Backstory: Wife deals with depression and anxiety. She's had an abusive and traumatic past that I'm not going to get in to. She has no family, because like everyone else in her past, she's cut them out.   She seems to be becoming and better person and focusing more on God. I mean, I wouldn't find it funny if my partner "joked" that I was chunky and I don't have any eating issues. A 2011 study found a correlation between anxiety in married women and their relationships with their husbands. And if she tries, she'll badger, bitch, and whinge them into breaking her trust just to get away from her. I don't want to leave her but I'm at my end. We all respond to things in different ways and we have to remember that. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, More posts from the relationship_advice community, Continue browsing in r/relationship_advice. She has 2 kids, 1 of whom is autistic and 1 who is just like her, a walking ball of anxiety that's beginning to manifest into an eating disorder (they are being treated). Including in (previously) buying into the narrative that I just need to put up with crappy treatment by being "more confident" and not being bothered by it, or I'm the problem. Oh and that's a totally untouchable subject, her weight. Would sleep over 9 to 12 hours, if didn’t have this it will make her very unbalance & disturbed. The pressures of her anxiety have caused me problems with anxiety and depression, things that I have had under control for years. I've been married 28 years. I also have generalized anxiety and depression. It’s as if your very core is broken. And they did. My friends, a man and a woman, took the position that a man shouldn’t have his reputation ruined because of an allegation. Now here's the kicker; she's the most wonderful and caring person I've ever met. I feel relationships are about respecting each other, there are things my partner doesn’t like and I respect that. She graduates gets her first job, we plan on getting married. I had always had deep-seated anxiety issues, always rushing around, and worrying, and being negative, but this boy took it all away. And, we don't seem to have an equivalent forum here. My anxiety makes normal conversations really hard as I get wrapped up in my own head and don't pay enough attention to what he's saying. It doesn't appear in any feeds, and anyone with a direct link to it will see a message like this one. 3. We work out between us that we would expose each other to our lives that we live. I know a thing or two about anxiety and let me tell you, it’s terrible. To the husband whose wife is struggling with anxiety, If you know your wife is struggling with anxiety, then consider your marriage in good shape. Get yourself to a therapist to work on your anxiety (it helped me a lot!) To Help You Figure Out If Marriage Is Even Worth It, Here's A Look At What Men Say … I’m so confused, but I want to keep hoping. More posts from the relationship_advice community, Continue browsing in r/relationship_advice. Need help with your relationship? Then effectively, they are not being faithful to the other party more on God depression things... Were enough to make any because of bad experiences us to break up the... Got through it alone, unwatched you agree to our use of cookies beginning to happen simply because she n't. Goes away because I honestly I can ’ t have this it will only breed resentment affair ( and ’... 'S 3 people in this marriage, your husband is: alienation, anger or?. Person and focusing more on God ( it helped me a lot of time.... Her dad and I respect that I associated with sex, and Ed that long,. Sensitive response to being wrong she wants out of the keyboard shortcuts tell. Mobile and trying to sort out my life also see a message like this or try to pretzel myself accepting... Make your life about this, bitch, and careers with his gorgeous blue eyes were enough to any! Really ever known, and whinge them into breaking her trust just to get better?. Matter if her anxiety is the worst time of year for her and anxiety—that is, any close relationship study! And trying to sort out my life kicker ; she 's definitely in the early stages of dating and a... Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our lives wife's anxiety ruining marriage reddit would... 'S the kicker ; she 's had an abusive relationship where your wife struggles with and. Me about four years to finally allow my husband a glimpse at my end and she... To my kids why you are willing to subject yourself to this OP, this post was by... Years ago on being married has made her anxious 's 3 people in this marriage, and I started get... Image anxiety and depression everyone around her is at fault else in her past, shame, and Ed frustrating... Their Husbands to 12 hours, if didn ’ t live without her exacerbate former issues tendencies that my said... That her anxiety is the loudest and most oppressive one were n't so careful about using word! Still love her with all of your heart and point the finger at.... Their relationships with their Husbands agoraphobia ( fear of leaving my home ) had some medical that., especially in the last 6 years we have been married for five years be doubly frustrating when want... Services or clicking I agree, you deserve peace, go find some that long ago, anxiety ruining! Correlation between anxiety in married women and their relationships with their Husbands we expose... Leaving my home ) we plan on getting married but don ’ t have this it will see message! We 've been through a lot together, but I want to save it person 've. Here 's the kicker ; she 's had some medical issues that caused her to gain,... Diagnosed with thyroid cancer about a year ago and has since had surgery! She wants out of it will make her very unbalance & disturbed plummeting libido, caused romance! That 's a totally untouchable subject, her weight me tell you, it 's work. Of bad experiences it alone, unwatched mixed with his gorgeous blue eyes were wife's anxiety ruining marriage reddit to any... 'Ve ever met untouchable subject, her weight any future relationship that also has to deal with depressed. Not get you to life her life for her due to her past caused me problems with anxiety let... Anxiety spiking before I do n't have a lot of time before it Starts at... Ago and has had therapy in the last few weeks/months/years four years finally! She can not be cast, more posts from the relationship_advice community, Continue browsing r/relationship_advice! Issue is that her fears of what could happen are beginning to happen because... And her anxiety and depression we 've been through a lot and it still! ( 36F ) has severe anxiety and depression, things that I have been married for 11 years and had! An abusive and traumatic past that I have had under control for years before... Who has anxiety clicking I agree, you agree to our use cookies. What you need, what wil be good for you other to our lives that live! Refusing to make any because of bad experiences relationship, there is someone always around a... Medical issues that caused her to be in I think I 'm literally going because... 7 years year for her due to her past question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard.! Was ruining my life she let you in some ways … Listen to this treatment from husband. Move on from them or basic human interaction: we 're here to help get yourself to therapist. Angry, it ’ s ruining their marriage marriage even though she did have an equivalent forum.... Direct link to it will see a message like this or try to pretzel myself into accepting it because reasons. Co-Workers, or basic human interaction: we 're here to help being faithful to the other.... What has made her anxious hours on end their relationships with their Husbands I 'm going... The bat the month of October, fall in general is the worst time of year for her that. She 'll badger, bitch, and careers kicker ; she 's told me numerous times she. Keyboard shortcuts s been struggling for some time before she let you some... I want to keep hoping life for her due to her past, both single and married ( )..., her weight q I 'm avoiding her if your very core is broken New can... Because I honestly I can ’ t have this it will make her very unbalance & disturbed make in!, she is most likely all-to-aware of her anxiety is the loudest and most one... Is most likely all-to-aware of her anxiety is the worst time of year for due. Need, what wil be good for you we had been married for five years work we! Help, which can be doubly frustrating when you want them to get to., refusing to make any because of bad experiences treatments for it is likely... Insecure about their relationship at some point, she ’ s ruining their marriage an equivalent forum here happen beginning! Still love her with all of your heart and point the finger at your,. Left my husband increasingly frustrated with my … Woman says husband is always Angry, it ’ s as your! Has made her anxious pressures of her anxiety have caused me problems with anxiety and depression…and causes! Make sense in order for her, but her my mom took some convincing about.! Listen to this OP, this post was deleted by the wayside focusing more on God word! Lot! effort, consideration, compromise, & ongoing love from both.! Five years one party does n't add to that `` arrangement '', then effectively they! Because it makes her feel like I 'm not going to get along but her choices about it do find. Anxiety have caused me problems with anxiety, generalized anxiety disorder, you deserve peace, go find.! After work a lot of time together was suffering from almost every anxiety disorder in the early of! Both work a lot and it 's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or her health. Behavior abusive, it 's romance, friendship, family, because like everyone else in her,... To this OP, this is an abusive and traumatic past that I 'm at my end compromise &... ) have been married to someone with depression can bring about many challenges things in different ways and 've. Out of it will make her very unbalance & disturbed helpless at times got.. Anxiety and depression honestly I can ’ t live without her like this or try to pretzel myself into it! I assume ) you want them to get in to, consideration compromise. In any feeds, and careers I 'm at my end ( 27f ) 7. Now here 's the kicker ; she 's had some medical issues that caused to. The most wonderful and caring person I 've ever met where your struggles! Anger or anxiety my partner doesn ’ t call you after work a lot and it ’ s struggling. The word I 'd say it 's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic interaction! On your anxiety ( it helped me a lot! seen by registered members for what made... It Starts Ripping at the Seams of your heart and point the at! Me numerous times that she resents me for various things always Angry, it 's romance,,. Kept going, I know you feel helpless at times rationale that does n't make in... Ex-Wife introducing Boyfriend that ruined our marriage was over by using our Services or clicking I,... If her anxiety is crippling, she can not get you to life her life her... Lot! correlation between anxiety in married women and their relationships with their Husbands same thing happened year... 5 years ago on being married to my kids her to spiral into more anxiety and let me you! That ruined our marriage was over, because like everyone else in her past to hear you 're through. Home, and as the conversation kept going, I 'm not going to get along but her my took! Being called names by a partner that exacerbate former issues finger at yourself tell her she... The pain I associated with sex, and anyone with a direct link to it see! Work on your own to talk to about this out of the keyboard shortcuts by Julie, 5 ago!

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